Why is early stage dating so hard?

Photo: http://pixabay.com/en/love-couple-hands-engagement-316640/

Photo: http://pixabay.com/en/love-couple-hands-engagement-316640/

Ladies, we all know that with dating it can often seem there are often very few eligible and charming men around. Often those that are, are often deemed 'players' or just rebounding from a recent relationship.

So it goes without saying that if normal dating is hard - finding and dating a charming, handsome and eligible man is going to be so much harder. But why is it so much harder?

1. They have higher standards

Usually it's common sense, the more successful, educated and well rounded the chap, the more he will be accustomed to expect in his life. He will simply not settle for anyone as this would not be in keeping for the standards he has set for himself, and the standards others expect him to keep.

In order to capture the attention of the eligible man, you really do have to make yourself appear more eligible than him so he feels you are worth fighting for. How do you do this? Compliment him but only marginally praise him, don't be readily available to see him whenever he's ready - you work around your schedule, and never ever appear interested in money or his wealth - he will assume you are materialistic and unsophisticated.

2. They are looking for a lady 

Time and time again I have seen beautiful and attractive women get this bit wrong. They assume that in order to attract a man they must dress in an eye-catching fashion. Unfortunately, often leaving more to the imagination is best - especially with charming chaps. 

They are looking for a lady they can be proud to have on their arm, not a hussy who makes them look cheap. Those guys that are looking for a hussy on their arm are certainly not looking for anything serious so it really is a lose-lose situation if you dress a bit on the provocative side.

Dress beautifully but conservatively, be gracious with all his peers, friends and family. The more you ask people about themselves and their interests the more they will like you - and the more he will respect you as a result.

3. They want someone to be a friend as well as a lover

Most Sloaney/Chelsea types love banter. They love nothing more than a few laughs over a few drinks and so having a partner who can fit into their social group is super important to them.  In an ideal world therefore, the charming man you are dating will undoubtedly want you to be a friend as much as a lover.

What this means, is that the more you are flexible and enjoy the same things as each other, and each other's company - the better. If you have nothing in common, and no shared interests it can be very hard to work towards a long-term relationship.

If you want to work towards this, then be proactive and ask his friends they fancy doing something you organise. He'll love you for making an effort with his friends and look at you as a more permanent fixture in his life (make sure you've been on a few dates before this however otherwise he'll think it's a bit too much too soon).

4.  They are not the best communicators

So I'm sorry to any chaps reading this, but it's true. You are pretty useless at telling us how you feel and communicating. If you were to put an Italian and a Chelsea type in a room together and tell them to chat up a single lady you can only imagine their difference in approach.

Therefore, what we are dealing with are very stoic, very British behaviours, which although perfectly polite and gentlemanly can be very difficult to crack. 

In order to try to get these guys on side you do have to make the effort to lead with an emotional foot. Starting sentences with 'I feel' rather than 'I think' is a good start as automatically puts you in a feminine position and let's him want to cherish and protect you. It might also encourage him to open up bit by bit.

5.  They are often intimidated by you

This is not always the case, but a lot of the time men are intimidated by beautiful women and don't know how to behave or what to say. Therefore, instead of being the hunter and calling you and setting up dates when they should, they get slack and flakey and hope you'll take the lead.

If you're dating a guy and you sense he's intimidated you can usually tell because they tend to wait for you to ask questions before mirroring what you say and asking you the same questions back, or they won't ask you on another date unless you suggest it first.

6. Early stages are the most exciting

Some men on the other hand, really enjoy the kill of the hunt, the act of the chase and so the early stages of dating are what gets them the most. It's important, if you recognise the guy you're dating is one of these types, to tone things down, and be less keen. They really respond to rejection as a challenge..

You can usually recognise these guys as they tend to come on too strong, to really pursue you at first - and then they are often the first ones to cool after around 3 months or so. The moment you are no longer a challenge to them, they can get bored. Beware!

I would strong advise against dating one of these characters, as it most often, goes nowhere so watch out and keep your wits about you.